By Ash Warman

I feel sunlight, warm against my cheek, as I lean into the metal bars of a park bench. My eyes are closed; I feel the edge heel of my shoe resting on the sidewalk and I hear a car park behind me. I don’t know if I’m still early or if Sasha is now late. Doesn’t really matter I suppose, I’m not going to see her after today either way. Still, it's kind of rude to invite someone to talk and not show up.

“Hey, Nathan! You been doing okay without me?” I feel a cool hand on my shoulder as I open my eyes. She’s different. Her eyes are still the same deep brown and her hair is still raven black, just like mine. But her baggy, washed out clothes have been replaced by a baby blue knee-length sundress and she is smiling. She brought a new soccer ball with her; the soccer ball we used to use is still at our parents’ place. 

“Fine. I assume you’ve been well,” I mutter. I stand up and brush her hand off my shoulder.

She sighs softly before responding, ”I’ve had my ups and downs. I’m sure you have too. What are you up to now?”

I start walking the path that leads through some woods, “I’m becoming a software engineer. Did you get a better job or are you still working for that sleazebag?”

“I don’t live around here anymore. You know that. I work for a bakery now.” 

“It’s not like you were checking in. You just said you were leaving. Didn’t really tell me where you were going,” I say. 

Foliage shades most of the path; I can’t feel the sun anymore.

“Do you still live around here? Local college?” 

“No. Where did you go?”

“Up in Maine. Didn’t wanna be too far away from you,” she replies. 

I don’t say anything until we exit the forest; an open field engulfs the land to our right.

She throws her soccer ball into the air, “Wanna play?”

“Not really, no.” My arms cross as my eyes meet hers.

“Come on! It’ll be fun. We can just pass the ball around. Maybe get ice cream afterwards?”

“Why are you acting like you didn’t run off and leave me to deal with mom and dad? As if I wasn’t alone for years. You didn’t even call,” I grumble; memories of drunken curses frigid, dank allies flood my mind. “Do you expect me to just go back to kicking a ball around with you and getting ice cream like nothing ever changed? Not like I haven’t seen you since I was 15.”

“I couldn’t stay there. You know that.” Her voice is trembling and she is glaring at the path in front of us, “I was trying to build a new life. You needed somewhere safe; I couldn’t give you that when I left.” 

“So your solution was to not contact me for six years.”

“Mom hates me. You know I couldn’t have reached you while you lived with her.” She begins to focus on the soccer ball she is tossing between her hands instead of dirt.

“And after? I’ve been at college for three years.”

“You seemed happy. I didn’t wanna ruin that.” She looks up at me again.

“Mom hated you that much?” I hope my voice doesn’t waiver the way I think it does.

“Not before I left she didn’t. I was going a path she didn’t agree with; I guess that was her final straw.” She averts her gaze again.

She drops the ball and passes it to me gently before moving into the field beside us. I move off the path and pass it back. We wander towards the parking lot, passing the ball back and forth as we go.

Sasha asks, “We cool?”

“Yeah. We’re cool. I missed you,” I say.

She shoves her shoulder into mine, the same way she did when her clothes were dark and baggy and matching mine. We approach the bench I was waiting for her on. 

“Ice cream? My treat,” Sasha offers.

“Sure. Blackberry still your favorite?” I ask, picking up the soccer ball.

“Yeah. Is coffee still yours?”

“No, it’s mint chocolate chip now.”

“Interesting. Same place we went to as kids?”

“There’s a new place up by my college; let’s go there. Follow my car?” 

We walk through the parking lot and she asks, “Which one’s yours?”

I point to my beat up, bone white car and toss her the ball. She heads to her car as I pull out. Maybe having her in my life again wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe I could let those years go. 

She parks beside me and we walk inside the pastel ice cream parlor. I realize I’m going to have to explain that I have a sister, when I see Nico behind the daffodil counter and colorful tubs of icecream.

“Hey Nat, what’s up? What do you guys want?” Nico asks.

“Hey, this is my sister, Sasha,” I smile and shrug when I see the confusion on his face. “I’ll have mint chocolate chip and she’ll have blackberry; both in waffle cones. How are you doing?” 

He starts making our order, “I’m doing pretty well! Classes aren’t too bad right now.”

I see my sister give him a bright smile as she takes her cone, “Hello, nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Nico responds.

“She’s paying today,” I say, nodding my head towards Sasha,  as he hands me my ice cream. I wave and stroll outside.

Sasha follows a moment afterwards. We sit in awkward silence, until Sasha begins to tell me about her life after she moved out. She went to stay with a friend in Main while she got everything sorted out. New friends showed up in her life after she got a job baking. She’s been happier. She’s been free. It stings knowing she was thriving while I was freezing. While I was trapped. 

When we’ve both finished our ice cream she says, “I’m sorry. You deserved to know how to reach me and decide if you wanted me in your life or not.”

“Just don’t leave like that again, please,” I say.

“I won’t,” she promises before hugging me. 

“Goodbye,” I murmur after hugging my older sister.

I save her new number in my phone once I get back to my dorm. Maybe I’ll ask her to go hiking with me sometime.